Handcar Regatta

The joyous news is in already, ladies and gentlemen! Due to incredible success, plans are to expand The Great Handcar Regatta to a FULL WEEKEND of dulcet extravagance and derring-do over the days of September 26 - 27th, 2009.

This, of course, means more of everything we fell in love with including valiant racers, musical and performing artistry, elegant crafts, delectable victuals and libations, and more of the stunningly stylish vivacious vixens and handsome gentlemen we adored so ardently this season!

Once again, hearty roars of “Huzzah!” shall reign across Santa Rosa during a thrilling weekend!

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Of late, many have posed inquiries about the nature, the raison d’être if you will, of the glorious event that transpired beneath the unsuspecting proboscises of the formerly sleepy hamlet known as Santa Rosa, California.

Commonplace Contemptuousness
Many, of course, ask in a sort “snarky” or vicious tone, by way of mocking intent, toward belief that shame shall be leveled upon our humble Regatta brow from certain terms bandied about too often in recent discourse. The wrongfully sullied term du jour being “Steampunk”.

The notion of said “steam”, on the surface, is ludicrous seeing as how our heroic racers’ noble contraptions were NOT encumbered with engines of steam power at all. These virtuous contraptions were human-powered. Indeed, one should pay more attention to one’s debate before silly cretinous words tumble out, like so much disgorged verbose bile.

“Punk” is closer to the track, but insomuch as it pertains to a DIY ethic of recycling, hand-construction, and the honorable pursuit of rekindling a power of the Self through active creation in one’s own aesthetic and, in this case, locomotive destiny. I assure you, those who actually attended the event saw neither torn and soiled “band T-shirts” upon crusty jeans nor scrappy “gutterpunks” besotted with poor hygiene and the “lazy eye”. There were, however, a number of intriguing tattoos and shaven heads crowning beguilingly androgynous belles and beaus!

The Gawker’s Lament
Yet, certain members of the surface-dwelling dullard set (a.k.a. the lowly or simply bovine “gawker”) insist nowadays on pointing at anything denoting antiquity in style, charm, and quality as a whipping post and tired fodder for overwrought fingers upon a lonely board of electro-telegraphic keys. A word to the wise: repeating the simpletons’ cry as one’s own is yet beneath the churl one pilfers from, especially when said term does not properly apply. I would humbly suggest DOing something tangible and heroic like our dashing race teams accomplished as opposed to pretending to wit and value from the filthy bastille of an anonymous Electro-Telegraphic Computational Station or “computer”.

I for one and like so many who attended were deeply moved and amazed at such stunning lads and lasses who could both hewn unforgiving steel and manifold disparate materials into a vehicle of dreams whilst looking so astonishingly stylish and fetchingly sexy to boot! Yes, those of you behind said feculent computers with words to match about things of a steamy era, please slouch a bit further to peer down at this moment upon your threadbare physique-conditioning vestments or, ahem, “sweats” (for which you no doubt shall soon heedlessly venture forth in public no less to acquire coffee) and weep for thyself in shame (and for those whose gaze must endure such gall)! Ho-ho, I largely tickle in sporting jest. Or does perhaps the fetid shoe fit…?

Quality Shall Not Expire
Some queries: In the recent past, was the artistic and cultural movement known as “steampunk” rendered live or moribund after a few imaginative films were released in the 1960s such as 80 Days Around the Word or Chitty Chitty Bang Bang? Later, did the superlative written musings of Neil Stephenson or Neil Gaiman send the notion of a past era’s grandest qualities to an early grave? There are countless examples, not the least of which are seen in recent “Anime” films. One might as well blindly hurl all of Victoriana to the rubbish bin for the mere fact that this essay is written in English. Or, worse still, commit the entirety of Aristotle’s noble republic of logic and thought to the junk heap merely because arguments in any era can be intelligently formulated for the purpose of understanding and reason.

Why yes, of course! The rabble’s rationality then must flow thusly: The tried and true is revived anew and utilized once more with intrinsic values intact therefore we shall throw it all away! In the words of our very own moxie maven of Regatta “Queen Bee” coordination: “Steampunk” is not dead, rather, piddling pantywaists incessantly belittling it beyond reason over the Aetherwebs is. Indeed!

The Raison D’être
Oh, pardon? You’re still here? Then I fear a sound description of motivation for the Handcar Regatta is in order. Despite the affront of pigeons with their much maligned and diminutive holes upon a celebrated event deserving a freeform life of its own, in a word or two:

• The Handcar Regatta is destined to provide a jubilant solace amidst a bland world of pre-canned cultural homogeny and boorish tawdriness many of us are wont to endure ad infinitum from “Television” and “Movies”.
• As the unrelenting globe around us pursues ever more predigested mediated isolation and the distraction of endless petty “virtual” needs delivered instantly, the Regatta offers oasis of both leisurely and raucous harmony to an effervescent symphony of its own participants’ divers artistic devisings and the diligence of creative mechanical mayhem.
• The Regatta offers a bejeweled sanctuary for both the refined Dandy of freshness, unorthodox sophistication, and restless intellect in all of us combined with the unwearying heuristic tinkerer unafraid to build a madcap machine of whimsy and derring-do, for the two are kissing cousins despite what middling meatheads and lubberly bullies still dragging knuckles at the schoolyards of their minds would have us believe.
• Though there could be innumerable items to list, finally, the Handcar Regatta is about a community of people coming together to participate in their own merry entertainment and hard-won creative endeavor. 

  One has only to witness the video of an absolutely ecstatic populous positively clamoring beside the tracks despite danger of injury to cheer the lionhearted race teams as they barreled down upon unfettered rail-bound chariots of glory, forged with their own nimble hands and fertile minds!

  Everyone, audience and performers alike, were right there to witness, create, and partake the happy day together as a whole in gorgeous freeform visionary invention of panache and inspiration. Huzzah!

Do Join Us, If You Will
So, dear reader, please allow me to pose a simple question if you were remiss in indulging your many senses at the Handcar Regatta: Would you prefer to falsely criticize and moan an unbridled joy and spirit you’ve yet to receive or would you perchance join us in fashioning an extravagant hall of homespun artistic beauty, with the ingenuity of valorous tinkerers, in the liberation of provocatively stylish verve, and for the hearty hosannas of an adoring crowd and builder alike, all participating in the noble sense of their own making in a synthesis known as Art, Ingenuity, and Doing?

Missives of value, wit, and with meaning gladly accepted forthwith.

Your must humble of servants,
Erasmus P. Kitty

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Race Award Results

• Zephyr — Unrivaled Speed:
  “Joe’s Revenge” by My Friend Joe Team
• Isambard Kingdom Brunel — Most Grandiose Feat of Engineering:
  Lumbering Contraption by Ratchet and Rumble
• Darling Award — Djuna’s favorite:
  “S-Car-Go” by Members of Michael McGinness’ 3-D class at Santa Rosa Junior College
• The Krakatoa — Most Likely to Destruct Spectacularly:
  “Welded Sykkelen” by Uff-Da’s
• Erasmus P. Kitty Honorary Award —
  “Hennepin Crawler” by Krank-Boom-Clank

Race Time Trial Scores

• Heat ONE, 1:00 pm
  “MOG” by Children’s Museum of North Bay — 36.19
  “Lumbering Contraption” by Ratchet and Rumble — 47.10
  Rock ‘n’ Roll Sunday School — 176.65
• Heat TWO, 2:00 pm
  Ned Kahn Studios — 32.68
  “Hennepin Crawler” by Krank Boom Clank — 52.65
  “S-Car-Go” by SRJC — 130.96
• Heat THREE, 2:45 pm
  “Steam Pedal” by Todd Barricklow — 23.46
  “Random Tandem Pandemonium” by Whiskeydrunk Cycles — 29.06
  “Joe’s Revenge” by My Friend Joe Team — 19.68
• Heat FOUR 3:30 pm
  “Welded Sykkelen” by Uff Da’s — 54.7
  “C-Biscuit” by SRJC — 33.9
  “Dream Team” — Did not quite finish race
• Late Arrivals Bonus Heat FIVE, 4:15 pm
  “Funky Rail Bike” — Disqualified for having a motor but time was 24.07
  “Serpentis Family Oils and Elixers” — 117.94

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See the spectacular large-scale arts preparations at the Handcar Regatta grounds on Saturday, featuring the graceful steel wings known as “Spread Eagle” by Bryan Tedrick and Art Farm Motel’s “Shrine of Fortuna”.

This is just a taste of Sunday’s artistic and mechanical surprises…

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Santa Rosa’s own steadfast and trustwothy Press Democrat has generously covered our Regatta in this Friday’s September 26th print edition and on the PD’s Aetherweb site, including a remarkable “60 Second Weekend” moving picture profile:

See more photographic renditions of our own darling little rail urchins on the motion picture day.

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This just in, ladies and gentlemen:

Two new race teams have entered The Handcar Regatta! Both hail from Michael McGinness’ 3D class at the Santa Rosa Junior College (Mr. McGinness, in point of fact, will be on-hand displaying his inconceivable Superplexus).

Word has it the two SRJS entries are titled:

“S-Car-Go” and “C-Biscuit”

Outstanding! What a race day yet to come for the people of our fair city!

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The news of strange and stimulating activities are flying in as The Great Handcar Regatta approaches!

Craft Zine, associated with the esteemed Make magazine, is set to offer a booth for the hand-made creations of felt moustaches to all Regatta attendees who so wish to partake!

I trust there will be more than a few racy aviatrix’s donning their “soup strainers” for the menfolk to fawn over. Huzzah!

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Dear Reader,

We, at the Regatta Foundation, are pleased to remind you that Valet Bike Parking, generously provided by the goodly lads and lasses of the Sonoma County Bike Coalition, will be available to all attendees.

Indeed, biking is the transit method of CHOICE when attending The Handcar Regatta. Please consider the safe, secure, and FREE valet bike parking.

If one must ride one’s irksome motor carriage, or “car” as they say nowadays, please consult the following detailed map below of parking areas available in downtown Santa Rosa.

CONSTRUCTION WARNING: The south and northbound downtown 3rd Street ramps off Hwy 101 will be closed! Please see the alternative construction routes recommended on the Directions and Lodgings page. — With concern, The Mgmt.

JUST ADDED: additional $5.00 parking has been added within a gated enclosure at the west side of the Regatta grounds gravel lot (just east of 6th Street Playhouse). Access it via 6th Street near Wilson Street across from Chops Teen Center.

Click map for larger view or Print a larger version

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See more adorable portraits of our very own winsome rail urchins!

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