Handcar Regatta

shamelessly pilfered from Obama Presentation

WASHINGTON D.C. — April 1st, 2010, President Barack Obama announced today a new program of community arts grant funding for local events involving railcar races, alternative arts, and the hoi polloi engaging in costumed buffoonery on civic property.

Titled the “Regional Innovative Regatta Arts Funding Program,” the measure grants $317.23 over 10 years in nationwide federal aid to facilitate the range of public event services and activities that entire communities of creative doers often labor to complete over long hours without payment.

President Obama exclaimed in a recent press conference, “The devoted American communities that create fantastic arts events have been working long and hard on their beloved projects, staying up most days of the week while working day jobs, usually paying from their own pocket and trusting to small armies of generous local volunteers for help.

“Now, with this generous fund of $317.23 in federal grants, Americans can look forward to at least 10 years of bigger, better, and marginally funded Regatta festivals across the nation!”

He added to a nearby aide, “Do I have to wear a costume at this year’s Regatta?” then buckled over in a fit of apparently uncontrollable laughter.

Ty Jones and Spring Maxfield, the married couple who direct The Great Handcar Regatta in Santa Rosa, CA, expressed their surprise and elation, “We couldn’t be more overjoyed! The approximate $0.0002 we’ll be receiving along with the other lucky local events throughout the country over the next decade will boost both our morale and our miniscule budget.”